... And then – just leave it in the past! You can still work toward bringing your relationship back to a place of happiness between you and your SO. The pros will usually outweigh the cons, making it clear why you are with your partner. Marriage problems? Here are 10 ways on how you and your partner can get through a rough patch. If it is troubling you and stressing you out that is because you should not be doing it. How you handle what is happening now will affect the situation’s outcome. We focused on our very real problems – rather than the petty things we were doing to one another. This is not the moment to take a leap backwards. My first marriage was destroyed by a rough patch after just two years. If you and your partner have hit a rough patch and do not know what to do next, there is no shame in reaching out for help. Follow us on Instagram Facebook Twitter Pinterest and we promise, we’ll be your lucky charm to a beautiful love life. I suppose both Paltrow and ex Chris Martin chose to give up at the same time, as Paltrow is now newly single. If you've always felt like your spouse is your soulmate, and you're just now—after years of being together—starting to question that, then rest assured that your relationship can and will overcome whatever obstacle it's facing with enough TLC. Communicate. Beyond daily disagreements, every relationship, no matter how sturdy, faces a rough patch every now and then — a period of time when things just aren’t all sunshine and Maitais. Absolutely nothing! #8 Look for the silver lining. (I am including in this post images from, “Keep Your Marriage Sizzling After Baby, 50 Different Ways.” Sign up for my newsletter to receive a downloadable version of all 50 ways. “The Rough Patch” can be beneficial for both single people and couples. And the bumps will keep popping up for the rest of your life. Or what you do after work? #1 Is your marriage rocky because you are not on the same page? Connection, acceptance, love — that’s what we desire from our partners, says Goertz. A lot of problems seem small and unimportant if you think about the bigger picture. So forget about the lies and put it all on the table. Remorseful is something you may have to live with for a long time. I was super stressed out for various reasons and essentially self-sabotaging our relationship. If you commit to following these five tips, you can move past a rough patch in your relationship. Sex can bring you two to the next level and might be the last barrier to reigniting your passion for one another. “Be generous with your apologies,” de Marneffe says. After the rough patch is done, you may need to focus on making a few more deposits! You should already have enough “savings” in your emotional bank account to get through a marital rough patch relatively unscathed. A rough patch is not a death sentence. Discuss how you want to handle those rough periods in your marriage. So try not to be judgemental about what you hear. Something negative happens, and you wonder why the hell you ever got involved with this person who might as well be a stranger in your own bed. Maybe it will make you see one another through new eyes from the past. It’s not about being perfect. One of the biggest mistakes you can commit is … What Ifs Don’t go down the “what if” road too much. Your email address will not be published. It is up to you and your partner to make that decision. To heal, you must connect. Think positively about the situation that you’re in: Not many of us think positively all the time, which results in many of us worrying too much over a small situation and getting obsessive over it. Let’s say you both decide to forgive, then you need to forgive for everything and not throw the past in each other’s face when you argue moving forward. If you cannot see the positivity in the situation, things will never improve. There will be bumps in the road on your path to rekindling your marriage. Having pent up lies is a weight on your shoulders that will knock you down daily. One way to ease your own mind when your relationship is going through a rough patch is to think of the future. Do the deed when you are right and ready. At this point, you both need to decide whether you forgive each other or not. At the end of the day, we are all humans with flaws and faults. But that fact that you are attempting to work through it is a great first step. Whether it is something massive like relocating to another country to support your husband’s career or taking your wife to the ballet on her birthday, these are just some of the things that you have to do to maintain the happiness in your relationship. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. By Nicola Beer for YourTango.com. Keep Your Marriage Sizzling After Baby, 50 Different Ways. But right now we're going through a serious rough patch. Depending on your situation and your relationship, working on it and staying together may be the right solution. Practice common rituals: breakfast, jogging, bathing. Think of doing this as a reminder of why you’re still holding on after all this time. 11 Rules From Couples Who Survived Rough Patches in Their Relationship and Now Live a Happy Life. #6 Strive for the same thing. There is only so much bending that a relationship can take before it snaps like a dried up old twig. There is no better birth control in a marriage then resentment. "The problem with a rough patch is unless you work on it, it just gets rougher and rougher," says marriage counsellor Rachel Sussman from New York. 20 reasons for divorce that couples overlook, 16 silly bad habits that can hurt your relationship, 16 signs it’s time to break up and move on, 8 little habits that bring couples closer together, How to fix a relationship that’s falling apart, Feeling Unloved in a Relationship? Once again, it’s your choice as to what you do with the truth and how you move forward in your relationship based on your new found knowledge. The first request I got was "advice on how to get through rough patches in your relationship." You both may have issues that you’re holding back from telling one another. The truth really does set you free. Sometimes it’s painstakingly obvious that a relationship is over, other times knowing when to call it quits can be a struggle. Try to start new and give each other a clean slate. We all go through ups and downs in our relationships. #1 Find perspective. toggle navigation. That is okay. It can be very difficult. Being grateful will not only help you get through a rough patch, it will also give you the strength to push through and to be a better partner. Your email address will not be published. Whether you are going through your first rough patch or the hundredth, there is no denying that something has to change if you want things to improve. While facing a hard time in a relationship, we must not forget the following: 1. Sit down with your partner and have a serious discussion on what both of you want. Ask anyone who has ever been in a long term relationship and they will tell you that plenty of compromise and sacrifice are involved. Required fields are marked *. Most people will say it is because they want companionship, to start a family, stability, love and other emotional factors. Sure, it may be hard to look for the silver lining during such a dark hour, but if you want to get through it with your relationship intact, you must try your very best. Even so, her quote applies to everyone out there currently in a relationship. Find out that you want the same things from your relationship, and your feelings towards each other are mutual. When you are at the final straw in your marriage, and it could all be over, there is no better time to be honest. But sometimes it's hard to figure out whether a prolonged period of arguing and feeling frustrated and angry is just a "rough patch… For example, if you're fighting more because you're both very stressed out at work, maybe your relationship's going through a rough patch that will clear up soon. You mentally add everything up and keep wondering why you put up with so much. Let’s say you both bottle everything up inside until your feelings explode. It can be caused by a variety of issues, including money problems, … Keep reminding yourself that things were not always bad and you will be just fine. In the future, when those feelings start to add up have a plan of action on how you both will handle them. If it all seems helpless and you can’t do it between the two of you, get professional help with your relationship. In fact, it’s pretty brave and speaks to the commitment you are making. You may feel helpless working on your relationship alone, but you will feel empowered if you two come together and do the hard work needed to make it work. Your email address will not be published. Sometimes, all you need to get through a difficult time is someone else’s opinion and advice on what to do next. Once you deal with these issues, you will come out with a stronger bond that only adversity can foster. 10 Ways to Get Through a Rough Patch in Your Marriage. The golden rule is to compromise often, even if it means going somewhere or doing something that you never imagined yourself doing. Even if just one person keeps up the fight, there is a high chance that things will work out in the end. During an interview for the May 2013 issue of Glamour UK magazine, Hollywood royalty Gwyneth Paltrow said, “When two people throw in the towel at the same time, then you break up, but if one person’s saying: ‘Come on, we can do this,’ you carry on.”, A reason why relationships tend to fail is because both parties give up at the same time. Regardless of all of that, there is no denying that it is all worth it. It is okay just to try a few or all of them. Do not think of it as a free pass where you got away with what you did. [Read: 16 silly bad habits that can hurt your relationship], #3 Weigh the pros and cons. [Read: Is negative thinking ruining your life? You realize you both slipped up again by not paying attention to the signs and by not proactively working on your relationship. Required fields are marked *. Come up with a one-year plan, 5-year plan, 10-year plan and so on, and whatever it is, do it together. Access to your free pregnancy announcements will be delivered straight to your email. Getting nostalgic will lead to other positive emotions such as appreciation, happiness, love and most importantly, the will to fight to keep the relationship alive. The only thing to consider is whether both sides want to fight for it. You even felt happier and closer to your partner after a rough patch in your marriage. For the well-being of the relationship, give up the need to drive home your point.” 5 Love Language. Then it hits you again, you have worked so hard on your relationship to get to this point. This should come as no surprise, the first thing you must do is make sure you and your partner are on the same page. Love ... exactly WHY you stay when you hit a rough patch in your relationship… Truthfully, it's hard to swallow your pride and just admit that you were going through something or that you've lost your communication skills, but learning to forgive your partner and him forgiving you is definitely one way to get through a rough path in a relationship. Do not be afraid to change if you have to. Especially when you are truthful with the person you plan on spending the rest of your life with. If you can’t communicate productively, you will not get anywhere. I know it’s hard to stay sane and positive as you’re going through a rough patch with your partner but there are certain things that keep me … But when you do, you open the floodgates to the painful memories, and you can quickly revert to the pessimistic mindset you were in maybe months or years ago. Once you see all the wonderful things that your loved one can offer you, you will do your very best to reciprocate, and that’s when things will start getting better. Whether it is dealing with infidelity, money troubles, career drama or a clash of personalities between you and your loved one, there is always a way to survive a rough patch. [Read: 20 reasons for divorce that couples overlook]. #4 Don’t be afraid to change. Although eight years is a drop in the bucket to the marriages of 20, 30, and 50+ years, we’ve experienced lots of highs and lows, including several rough patches. ... here are 5 tips to help you move through the difficult times as a couple. Do so by creating realistic expectations about your marriage and creating guidelines for your disputes. If you do bring something up from the past – because it did exist and you must acknowledge it, use it as a platform for learning or a lesson of what not to do. Most importantly, make sure you’re actively communicating. So why not prepare for hard times while your marriage is in a better state? Speak to a marriage therapist, couples counselor or to a close friend. Once you are grateful for what you have, you will find that things are not so bad after all. Just stop it. What do I do with the information I just learned? Yes, you have been through troubling times before, but you have come back stronger than ever after those times. Of course, getting your relationship through difficulties can be difficult in and of itself. This means you have been actively nurturing your marriage throughout your lives together. #3 Do you have lies or skeletons in your closet? Working Mom. It will free you. You do not have to forgive all at once, it will take time. You think everything is okay, and then bam! 1. Voicing your concerns could result in an argument, but it could be what is needed to finally move on from the rough patch if something has been irritating you. So, if you’re going through a rough patch, it’s time to look inward—and then talk to your partner. Being given another shot should not be taken lightly and should be nurtured and tended to with respect. As I said, we all go through a version of this in our relationships – whether it involves money, sex, or lies; it’s all relative. Unsubscribe at any time. Can you do those fun things again or at least a version of them? That's why - assuming your relationship is otherwise healthy and non-abusive - it's vital to stop and take stock if you want to last the distance. If by some chance the cons list is longer or more significant than the pros list, then it may be time to consider ending the relationship. #8 Can you prepare for future bumps in the road? Sure, many people will tell you that you should never change who you are for someone else, but what is wrong with tweaking your attitude to be more tolerant, patient, kind and loving? Just acknowledging your attraction for one another can also be a great start towards intimacy. When you can focus on why you and your partner have agreed to become an ‘us,’ you put things into perspective and make it simpler to get through a rough patch as you now know why you are doing it. Do you remember the attraction and the sparks you once had? #7 Compromise often. Come up with a one-year plan, 5-year plan, 10-year plan Do things like holding hands, and having romantic dinners. There is a saying stating that the key to a happy relationship is not to look at each other but to look in the same direction. You absolutely do not have to go “all the way” immediately. Even couples in healthy relationships argue, we know this. This quiz helps with methods of expressing love for each other. At this point, it is nice to do fun things together! This will help you get a grasp on future issues and nip them in the bud. Are you lying about how you are spending money? You must communicate well to get through a rough patch. 10 ways to get your marriage back on track, as you try to navigate through a hurtful rough patch that almost made you quit your relationship. If you realize you are not on the same page, then that conversation turns into one where you figure out where one another is at in your relationship. So surviving several rough patches in … Once you decide to move forward, forgive, and commit to a new start, then you can reminisce about your good times together. Diagnose them and do whatever you can to expel these negative emotions and behaviors from your life. You have to conduct regular maintenance on your relationship whether you want to or not. Figure out why you are in a relationship with this person at all. 10. 2. What did you do during the most exhilarating times in your relationship? All rights reserved. Rather, it’s a learning experience that makes couples stronger. Talk it out. If you’re going to continue moving forward with your relationship and make it even stronger, here are some guidelines as to what you can do to get through the rocky times in your marriage. After you have come clean to one another, you meet another crossroad. Every marriage or relationship is different. Don’t talk about your problems. If you are both all in and devoted to one another this can be a saving grace. Me and my partner have been together for 7ish years and about 12 months ago we hit a big rough patch. Service | about Us | Write for Us | Write for Us | Contact Us both parties worked. Healthy relationships argue, we must not be much communication going on the... Hits you again, you can ’ t communicate productively, you have the thing. To drive home your point. ” 5 love Language quiz to look inward—and then talk to your.! A family, stability, love and other emotional factors marriage sizzling after,... 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Able to move to his city once I graduate, as Paltrow is now newly.... Get your marriage falling apart ] because both of your hearts pretty brave and speaks to the commitment you grateful! A reminder of why you ’ re going through a rough patch just! Your so you plan on spending the rest of your life you that plenty of and! I asked for video requests just have to go “ all the disappointing things your has. Tended to with respect keep your marriage sizzling after Baby, 50 Different ways nothing wrong with out... You and your relationship and the communication is flowing – this is the best time to plan ahead little that! Know how to show their love for each other too heavy, meet. Rule is to think a lot of problems seem small and unimportant if you ’ re going through a patch. Them in the bud: is negative thinking ruining your life wonders for your relationship. request I got ``!: 8 little habits that can hurt your relationship and they will tell how to get through a rough patch in a relationship that of! Two of you want to forgive try these 20 relationship Quotes that are Guaranteed to help you out! 9 months couples stronger 2021 LovePanky.com Privacy Policy | Terms of Service | about |!